FILM GUTTER REVIEWS: Green Elephant

In Which Alex Finally Finds the Film That's Too Much

When it comes to undefeated streaks, there are all sorts of decorated sports people that come to mind. Floyd Mayweather's unbeaten 50-0 boxing career, or the 14 consecutive wins of the 'wonder horse' Frankel, or Arsenal's acclaimed 'Invincible' Premier League season.

And, since its inception, Film Gutter has been carrying its own undefeated record – in almost four years and nearly 200 movies, no film has beaten me yet. In that time I've seen things I never thought I would see, and many things I frankly wish I could unsee, but I've gone from start to finish on every single review. That's included cringing, retching, almost crying and actual crying, but never pressing the stop button. I started the series with a sort of curiosity as to whether that movie was even out there, if it even existed – like seeking Atlantis or the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Now I know it is out there, and it wasn't just a myth after all...

Yes, today that undefeated streak has sadly come to an end. It had to happen eventually – there have been near-misses in the past, with Thanatomorphose, Vase De Noces and the offerings of Lucifer Valentine leaping to mind as some of the most gruelling movies I've had to suffer through for the sake of Film Gutter. There were moments I could have given up in all those films, and probably more besides, but I managed to dig deep and find a way through the distressing content there.

So what was the movie that finally beat me? Green Elephant. And to be honest, I can't really call this a review – it's probably half a review at best, because I got about halfway through before I reached scene I simply couldn't go past. Svetlana Baskova's 1999 offering is an experimental exploitation horror film that follows two Russian soldiers incarcerated in a tiny, grimy cell. It's never made entirely clear why they are there, but what is apparent is that the two are struggling to live in this confined space with one another, and the tension between the two really crackles away. There are even some funny moments within the first half hour or so, and I was enjoying myself enough – even if enjoying wasn't quite the word, I was certainly interested to see more.
 
However there was a scene at about 42 minutes in that I just couldn't stomach, which had echoes of one of the roughest scenes I had to ensure from the aforementioned Vase De Noces. As the moments wore on I found myself retching really notably, and I thought to myself 'if I carry on I'm actually going to throw up'. I even tried to come back to watch it again later but had such a similar reaction that I just figured it wasn't wise to carry on. In fact even the thought of it in typing this review makes me feel pretty queasy.

I suppose I could have skipped that scene and watched the rest of the movie, but that simply would have felt like cheating. I'm not too big to admit when I'm beaten, and it didn't feel right to try and disguise the fact. So hats off to Green Elephant and all involved – you've succeeded where stacks of directors and hundreds of movies have failed. Maybe there'll be another film in the next four years to take over that mantle, or join this one in the Film Gutter Hall of Fame, but for now it has the honour of being the only movie to make me press stop and say 'that's a bit too much for me'.

For those of you who want to take this mini-review/feature as a dare, then good luck to you. Otherwise Film Gutter will be back for its regular programming next week, where we will actually have a complete movie to comment on...