THE TOP 5 WORST FILM GUTTER MOVIES

‘WHAT?’ I hear you cry. ‘Alex, are you genuinely going to argue there’s a worse horror film than Manos?’ You bet I am,

TOP 5 WORST FILM GUTTER MOVIES
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Top 5 worst movies… should that be bottom 5? Maybe? Anyway, I promised you a month of top 5s, so that’s what I’m going to run with for now. Honestly I’ve never been one to take much pleasure in giving out negative reviews. It takes a hell of a lot of hard work to make a movie, and it’s brave for anyone to put themselves out there and bring their vision to life. But the whole GNOH site – myself included – prides itself in being independent and being honest about what it says. And of course you may look at some of the films below and think these are actually OK, or good, or great – and that’s the very nature of reviewing, which is all a game of opinions. So in that spirit here are the five movies I’ve given the lowest rating over the 5+ years of Film Gutter…
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5) Doctor Bloodbath AKA Butcher Knife
RATING: 1/10

Any cult horror historian could probably tell you much about the works of one Nick Philips, aka Nick Millard, who produced a strong of zero budget movies in the 1980s. Prior to that he’d made plenty of sex films, and also dabbled in the action genre, but he’s best remembered for his horror – honestly I’d like to forget them, but sadly I can’t. I really can’t. Doctor Bloodbath is made cheap and looks cheap, a tawdry tale of a doctor who kills woman after they’ve had abortions with an unfortunately predictable plot. Featuring the same cast as many of Philips’ offerings, sadly the acting is awful here and doesn’t improve elsewhere in his back catalogue.
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4) Criminally Insane 2
RATING 0.5/10

Oh, look, it’s Nick Philips again! I reviewed five or six of his films and I think the highest I ever rated one was 3, and this one goes down as the worst of the bunch. I particularly slammed it for its egregious reuse of footage from the first Criminally Insane movie, as well as random clips from other Philips movies (a common feature in his back repertoire). This is probably about 30 minutes of new footage attached to 30 minutes you’ve seen before, and there are many other issues with this movie, but that endless repetition I simply couldn’t bring myself to forgive.

3) Unrated: The Move
RATING 0/10

Timo Rose and Andreas Schnass are both cult figures in the German horror scene, but I made the mistake of starting with their collaborative effort Unrated: The Movie and haven’t been able to bring myself to check out a movie by either of them since. This is real lowest common denominator stuff, but even at that it’s done badly – I couldn’t claim a movie like Pervert! was high art, but that was genuinely great low-brow fun. The script, the plot, the effects and particularly the sound are all awful – I know the cast, who have some name value, are really trying, but sadly they just have nothing to work with here.

2) Manos: The Hands of Fate
RATING: 0/10

‘WHAT?’ I hear you cry. ‘Alex, are you genuinely going to argue there’s a worse horror film than Manos?’ You bet I am, but let me say a few words about this infamous stinker first. Basically made as a bet by a theatre actor and director who claimed to a friend that making a horror film would be easy, he lost that bet in spectacular fashion. This is a movie with so much folklore about it I’d probably suggest reading about its creation than watching this awfully-made, cliched horror offering. The reason this isn’t top is in part is that the director here didn’t know better – but our next director probably should have…

1) CHAOS
Rating: 0/10

The first movie I reviewed to achieve a zero mark, this one aims for shocking but sadly comes off more as an awful PSA. There’s nothing persuasive in any of the performances, the characters are laughably stereotypical and the whole things just misses the mark of ever feeling real – and therefore just has no impact. Megan is Missing was ultimately making the same point – teenagers, don’t trust strangers! – but that actually had a reasonable plot, some good acting, a character you could care about and an ending that leaves you feeling totally hollowed out. Remove all those things and you might have some idea of what Chaos is all about.

Next week I’ll be looking to lighten the tone with a look at the top 5 funniest Film Gutter Movies!