CHILDHOOD FEARS: LOSING CONTROL BY CATHERINE SCHAFF-STUMP

26/10/2021

perseverance in the face of the unknown is important, that compassion is more important than self-blame, and that you must let others care for you and take care of you, just as you have to take care of others. The world is a harsh place, and no one can control everything, but we can get through these things with the people we love.

In my new horror novel, The Wrath of Horus, there are plenty of childhood fears to talk about. Characters don’t journey through the circles of Dantes’ Inferno and not have horrible things happen to them. I am a survivor of child abuse, but rather than talk about the more graphic aspects of the book, I want to look through the lens of Marcellus Klaereon, the responsible oldest brother, and talk about a deep-seated childhood fear of mine: lack of control.

Marcellus and I both grew up in difficult circumstances. His parents are dead, and he is constantly worried about the threat of madness, both for himself and for his brother Gregorius. In my case, my parents were mad, and I was worried about the day-to-day safety of myself and my two brothers. Marcellus and I share a trait—we thought if we could plan everything, be responsible for everything, we could protect those we love from danger. Losing control of my destiny was a frightening concept, and I would short circuit whenever I felt control slipping through my fingers, which was often.

I know what you are thinking. From the vantage point of my fifties, I can see my strategy of planning everything to placate everyone is an insanity of its own sort. In reality, I was never really in control, but the illusion of control was very important to me because I could control so very little.

There are roles for members of dysfunctional families, and was the designated star or the hero, the family member who proved to the world that our family was legitimate. I developed hyper-organization and diplomacy and carried contingency planning into my college years and my adult work life, assuming that the only worth I had was in control, and in that control lay my virtue. If all else failed, I stepped forward and took responsibility for many things that were not my fault, because the alternative, that I did not have control, was unthinkable. At a certain point, I discovered I was a high functioning PTSD survivor, and I learned to live differently. There are still times when I spin, like with Coronavirus or Global Warming, or, well, many things going on in the world right now. Fear is alive and well in my psyche. I have learned strategies to cope.

In The Wrath of Horus, Marc grapples with these very issues. He has become the surrogate parent to both his brother Gregorius and their cousin Flavia. The adult in their life, Carlo Borgia, is more neglectful than abusive, caught up in his own obsessions and regret. Carlo has made one thing abundantly clear—Marc is responsible for his own sanity, and the unlikely sanity of his brother after a family rite of passage. Marc has also lost his parents, and he blames himself for that. As a child, he saw the problems in the adults in his life that resulted in his parents’ deaths. If only he could have done something more! Well, he will never be caught unprepared again! Marc believes in the illusion of control.

Unfortunately, Marc and his family are thrown into a situation beyond anyone’s control. They are subjected to judgment in the Inferno, and Marc learns he cannot control the actions of others. Writing Marc is a good exercise for me, because Marc and I learn together that perseverance in the face of the unknown is important, that compassion is more important than self-blame, and that you must let others care for you and take care of you, just as you have to take care of others. The world is a harsh place, and no one can control everything, but we can get through these things with the people we love.

The Wrath of Horus Paperback

For Gregorius Klaereon, his Trial with the god Horus isn’t about winning or losing. It’s about the fight. His temperament aggressive, his anger on display for all to see, Greg is a direct contrast to his brother Marcellus, the perfect Lord Klaereon, the prophet who can do no wrong. How Marc tolerates Greg is a mystery to Greg himself, especially as Greg knows deep down that Greg is responsible for the deaths of his parents. On the eve of the Klaereon birthday celebration, two days before Greg’s Trial, Greg fights with his cousin Flavia Borgia, and the two of them activate a reality shard which sends them, Marc, and others to the Abyss. There, they are judged and scattered throughout the nine circles. Greg, alone, discovers his Trial was the least of his worries as he is confronted by Set, the god of destruction, in a desolate landscape where his shadow powers no longer work. While Greg endures, certain his rightful punishment has found him, Marc and the others scramble to reunite, rescue Greg, and make their way to the Golden City of the banished Egyptian pantheon, desperate to find a way home.

Trigger Warnings: The Wrath of Horus is a horror novel set in Dante’s Inferno, and as such, many horrible things happen in it. It contains sexual assault, abuse, kidnapping and abduction, self-harm and suicide ideation, violence, blood, and homophobia.

Cath Schaff-Stump

Cath Schaff-Stump writes fantasy for children and adults. She writes funny stories, dark stories, and everything in between. She is the author of the Klaereon Scroll series and the Abigail Rath Versus series. Cath lives and works in Iowa. During the day, she teaches English at a local community college. More of her fiction has been published by Paper Golem Press, Daydreams Dandelion Press, and in The Mammoth Book of Dieselpunk. You can find her online at Facebook, Goodreads, Amazon, @cathschaffstump, and cathschaffstump.com. Follow Cath’s Kindle Vella serial The Autumn Warrior and the Ice Sword.