TIME FOR A RECAP

I have done this sort of post numerous times, and while it may seem that I am a complete grump, I do these posts because I care.  I want you writery folks to succeed, and I would hate to see a great writer fail because they don't have the most basic of social media savvy that even a god damn blind cat has.  

It's not difficult; this isn't advanced quantum physics.  This si just simple polite interaction that doesn't ram your book down prospective readers  throats.  

Here are some of the things I have seen this week that has really got my blood boiling.  Some of these go on all of the time, but a few of them are new ways in which to piss off readers. 

1.  We will start with the good old fashioned "I am a best-selling author." You're no more a best-selling author than the 100,000 other authors out there.  Being a top ranking writer  in something like the following 


BOOKS>FICTION>LITERATURE>HORROR>GHOSTS>CHILDREN>KITCHEN SINK> FEATURES A PINK CUSHION> GETS DESPERATE TO FIND A CATEGORY THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS WRITTEN IN> CONGRATS YOU SOLD 10 COPIES OF YOUR BOOK YOU CAN NOW CLAIM TO BE A TOPSELLING WRITER, WHEN WE ALL ACTUALLY  KNOW THAT YOU ARE STRETCHING THE DEFINITION OF BEST SELLING TO BREAKING POINT>CATS  

If you have to go more than five levels down the tree, then you are not the best selling author that you claim to be.  Stop doing this, stop it now you have no idea how much it annoys readers and reviewers.  If I see this in a review request, and I don't recognize the name I delete the application without reading any further.  

2.  We all need friends even this grumpy reviewer needs a few friends.  By all means go and send out those friend requests on Facebook and Twitter and whatever other form of social media you use.  But don't when you get the offer accepted automatically send out a request to 

LIKE YOUR PAGE 

READ YOUR BOOK

BUY YOUR BOOK 

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

TAKE PART IN A NAKED CONGA DANCE

Jesus, get to know me first, you wouldn't into a new house then go straight round to you new neighbors and beg them to do the above, would you?  Learn to become patient, form a friendship then do the above, slow it down and you'll get there.  

And if you use an autoresponder on Twitter that sends a spam DM I hope you burn in hell. 

For the record, I'm always up for a naked conga dance; I just require photos of the two folk preferably ladies that I will be in between.  I would not want to be sandwiched between to blokes that look like me.  

3.  This one is a new one to me.  Adding people to an event, that isn't an event, this is what prompted this post.  I was added to a group, which turned out to be a review farm for a fucking short story.  The author had invited 274 Facebook friends to this "event."  with the sole purpose of asking them to review his book.  Are you kidding me?  Do you think this is the way to get people to review your book?  I tell what doing this achieves, 

IT WILL ONLY SERVE TO DRIVE THE MAJORITY OF THOSE 274 FURTHER AWAY FROM YOUR BOOK.  

Stop being so desperate for a review. 

4.  Taking out a load of advertising on a website then pulling out and asking the website owner to cancel everything, because 

"YOU DECIDED TO GO WITH A WEBSITE THAT YOU FOUND  THANKS TO THE ONE YOU TOOK OUT ADVERTISING ON PROMOTING ON TWITTER"  

Not even going into the complete lack of class at such a thing, you do realize that this is a bit silly. You'll notice that I am not advertising on that other website, possibly because I have a larger readership and reach, and you know you found that site from just one of my tweets.  
Does that not tell you something,? You know maybe what I do works, and maybe going a few steps down the ladder isn't probably the wisest of moves.  Well, I hope that works for you because you know what you will never feature on my site.  If you enquired then said sorry that's too much, fair enough but to book the place then pull out once the invoice has been sent is a shitty move.