WHO SHOULD REALLY PLAY PENNYWISE?

'Oh yes, indeed they do. They float! And there’s cotton candy...'

 
With an upcoming remake of the Stephen King classic IT, people are rightfully concerned about who’ll play the iconic big bad Pennywise the Clown. After all, Tim Curry (perhaps the most underrated bad guy actor in cinema) gave a legendary performance. Without Curry’s swinging from eerie buffoonery to snarling savagery, the IT mini-series would have been dangerously close to being as forgettable as the Tommy Knockers adaptation.
 
Currently, Bill Skarsgard is pegged to fill the big floppy shoes- and that’s a good choice. Skarsgard has an ethereal pretty boy quality that makes him all the more terrifying when he breaks out the crazy (as he frequently does in Twilight-for-Perverts Netflix show Hemlock Grove). But half the fun is speculation, and there are plenty of other great choices out there to fill the vacant slot in our children’s nightmares.

​Tom Hardy
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The lack of carbohydrates can make you a little crazy.

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This is a bit of a cheat, because Hardy can play pretty much anything providing a weird voice and an indefinable air of sexual menace is required. That being said, these career making factors are exactly why he’s perfect to play a child eating space clown. Also, due to Hardy’s rugby player physique, he’d be the first Pennywise who looks like he might smash a pint glass in your face if you give him lip.

​​Frankie Boyle

Congratulations your 18!...On a list of 20 people i'm going to kill.

 
In modern society the clown has long since been replaced with the comedian. And what better comedian to play a sadistic child predator than Boyle, a man whose career hangs on the peg of telling the child murder jokes the rest of us are simply too over-sensitive to tell? Pennywise’s schtick isn’t just murdering kids, but tormenting the survivors afterwards, requiring comedy that has both the subtlety and efficacy of a rusty chainsaw. Heeeeere’s Frankie!

​Christopher Walken
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I don't need to be made to look evil. I can do that on my own.

 
Pennywise is an alien, and Christopher Walken couldn’t play an ordinary human being if he tried, and even when he’s being nice to people, there’s always a sense that he’s thinking about what you’d look like without your bones. Walken can convey more psychological menace with a misplaced comma than most people can with a shotgun loaded with your dad’s collection of sex toys. 

​Kaitlin Olson
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Why don't you shut your fat little monkey face and hold the bag? I'm going to paralyze this bitch!

 
Anybody who’s watched It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is familiar with the antics of Dee Reynolds, a horrible narcissist with delusions of being a great comedian. Her disastrous stand up routines would lend a whole new dimension to an evil force masquerading as a clown. The Pennywise of the original book tells hack jokes that are barely fit for an ice-lolly stick, and that idea of bad comedy is in need of a modern upgrade. Imagine a Pennywise who seriously believed her terrible Latino and Irish character comedy was genuinely funny, rather than soul shrinkingly awkward. Also, the character of Dee (like most of the Philly cast) is an expert at revealing her truly awful nature with a total and sincere lack of self-awareness. Kaitlin Olson channeling Dee Reynolds might be the most terrifying Pennywise yet.

Idris Elba
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INTENSE, BROODING AND CLOWN PANTS?

 
I originally put in this entry because I enjoy stirring up needless controversy, but thinking about it, Elba would make an excellent Pennywise. He maybe can’t sell the buffoonery, but when it comes to convincing everyone in the room that they’ve reached a Shit’s-About-To-Go-Down event horizon? Yeah, Idris Elba can do that ordering a raspberry milkshake.
 
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Steve Wetherell writes comedy horror for Deviant Dolls and appears as a sexually attractive Monk in the Authors and Dragon’s podcast.
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