FILM REVIEW: ​MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT.

JOE X YOUNG 

William, it was really nothing.
 
Minutes to midnight is the film that could have been. Could have been funnier, could have been scarier and could even have been destined for cult classic status (who knows, it still might be), were it not for minor details. ‘Starring’ William Baldwin (of the lesser-spotted Baldwin brothers) you kinda-sorta know a film is in trouble when he’s the star, more so when the co-star is former teen-hunk Richard Grieco who these days looks like his plastic surgeon owes him an apology and a refund. The story is a simple one, it’s New Year’s eve in a small town and a small bunch of people who work for Baldwin are looking to celebrate. He pops in, wishes them a Happy New Year, and buggers off, which is pretty much all that you see of him until the end of the movie. Okay, that’s up to you whether or not that’s a blessing in disguise given that his acting career hasn’t exactly set Hollywood on fire, but it seems as if more and more mothballed ex-celebs are being dusted off and put into low budget horrors with varying results. The same can be said for poor Mr Grieco, who plays one of the most unconvincing Town Sheriffs I’ve seen to date. The story has a slight, and I do mean slight, echo of ‘My Bloody Valentine’ in that something nasty happened in the town once-upon-a-time, so there’s generally not a whole lot of celebrating going on, but hey, the youngsters never learn, so off they go to a… wait for it… Cabin in the woods. Yeah, that’s right, another film in which a bunch of young people (I’m avoiding the word ‘teens’ here as they clearly aren’t) get attacked by a mystery assailant, or indeed several.

I began by saying what this film could have been, but here’s what it actually is, it’s a decent enough film with some of the better ingredients of many of the better horror films of its type. It has a routine story and the acting isn’t all that and a bag of chips, BUT it is actually quite effective in the horror aspects, with wholesale gore and the kind of masked psychos that companies make action figures of. Where this film really goes wrong is that it’s trying so hard to be a Rob Zombie film without having Rob Zombie involved, even to the point that there’s a suitably maniacal performance from everyone’s favourite Otis Firefly the legendary Bill Moseley, so it’s not all bad. The other actors are largely just window dressing, with no stand-out performances from the usual stereotypes, and yes, there’s a bit of screwing involved and there IS the almost obligatory gratuitous lingering shower scene, all of which is totally unnecessary in a film which if it were just to concentrate on the horror instead of cheap titillation could have been so much better. When it comes down to pure adrenaline soaked action, well, there’s an attempt at it, but it comes across a bit like two pensioners in a nursing home fighting over the last biscuit on the tea tray.
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Can I or would I recommend it? Sure, it’s not so bad that it’s not worth watching, and if you can see it on VOD for cheap then it’s probably ok with a couple of beers and some popcorn, but it’s not going to rock your world or even wiggle it a bit.

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