HORROR FILM REVIEW: SCREAM MACHINE

Scream Machine could be viewed in one of two ways, it could be looked at as a loving homage to the works of Troma, or it can be viewed as a pile of steaming shit.  I would imagine that some of it will come down to just how much you like Troma  films. However,  I don't think that the filmmakers mothers, after drinking a potion of kindness, could view this film as anything other than a pile of steaming shit.....

Don't be fooled by the Lloyd Kaufman introduction, I get the feeling he was forced into this at gun point, or at least he had no idea what he was doing it for. He is the only decent thing about this film.  After the introduction we are sadly introduced to the two hosts of this five film fuck up.  Dr. Fry (Walter Ruether III) and his assistant Dr. “Head”ley Graves (he is a head on a table Get it?  It's soooo funny) I'll give these guys some marks for their enthusiasm but in all honesty their performances are so bad, the alarm bells will be ringing in your head.

The first segment in this anthology  is Sledgehammer.  In the words of Sam Beckett "Oh Boy". Two baseball scouts for some reason have decided to scout out two random blokes tossing a baseball about in what looks like a discarded sand pit.  The pitcher has a world record breaking fastball, of apparently, 150 miles an hour.  Yet looking at him, I don't think he could make a ball go that fast even if he was in a  bullet train.  He shows off his fast ball which kills the catcher. Cut to one year later and he is a famous pitcher, he comes home to his wife after winning a game, she goes to slip into something more comfortable he goes outside and gets his head smashed in, by as it turns out one of the scouts, who was the brother of the pitcher.  The dog comes in and eats up the smashed remains of his masters head.  His wife reacts to his corpse in a manner that is similar to that when you find out that you are running low on milk. 

Full marks must be given to the dog, it was a real revelation, his performance had multiple layers of subtlety and nuance.  Or maybe it didn't. Maybe it just seemed that way when compared to the other  performances. 

Next up is The Dahmer Obsession, which tells the story of a man obsessed with Jeffrey Dahmer.  Now this could have been a fascinating study in to the psyche of fame and obsession and what drives a man to become a serial killer, but instead they just go for a denominator that is so low not even the world's greatest mathematician / limbo dancer could get near it.  This is a repulsive and vile segment, with zero redeeming factors.  Terrible performances and a script that is just obscene makes this one of the most soul sucking experiences of my life.  


April Fool’s Party's  decides to take its queue from that masterpiece of celluloid A Weekend at Bernies, that kind of tells you all you need to know.  A bunch of drugged up idiots decide to prank another drugged up idiot.  By the time this segment finishes you'd wish you were on drugs.  


By the time Septic Shock arrives on the screen you will be so fed up and annoyed with this film that you actually don't care that this is the best part of the film.  A woman kills her husband dumps him in the septic tank.  I think what makes this part stand out is the fact that there is no dialogue, so we aren't subjected to yet another woefully inept performance.  Maybe they should have tried to make the whole anthology a dialogue free effort.  I've suffered from septic shock, and that was more enjoyable than this story.  


Deadly Indie Drive-In  I have always wanted to go to a Drive - In it's something that the UK has never had, it's a big American institution that has always appealed to me, but thanks to this total abomination of a film the closest I want to get to a drive in is about 500 miles.  And yes I would walk 500 miles to get away from it.  Urged to kill her boyfriend by voices that come through the radio while at the  Drive - In she does so in what is the most over top display of violence in the film, but rather than being shocking it is just painfully laughable.  At least you sympathize with her, if I was attached to this project I would getting pretty physical by this point as well.  


You could argue that a lot of this films problems comes from an extremely low budget, and while that would take into account the embarrassingly awful performances from everyone who appears on the screen.  It sadly doesn't provide any excuses for the script. You know when you were at school,  there was those two idiots in your year who would dare each other to do stupid and dangerous things?  Well, Darwinian evolution for that subset of humanity has reached its pinnacle.  Scream Machine  feels like it is a couple of dumb assed idiots trying to out do each other with each segment of the film. The script is devoid of any redeeming factors, lacking in wit, intelligence, logic or believabity.  Hell the pitcher in the first segment looks like he would have a heart attack if he tried to do through a baseball.  This is the sort of film that those who claim horror films are terrible and a waste of time will cite.  Everyone responsible for this film should really consider what they have done and publicly apologize to all of humanity for their crimes against celluloid.