[THE HORROR OF HUMANITY] TINA BAKER THE WALKING TRIGGER WARNING

11/10/2021

And do you know what else helps? Humour. Coal black, gallows humour; the bad taste jokes made in the newsrooms where I worked as a journalist. Sometimes it’s the only way to cope. Laughing at myself is proper joyful!

It’s taken me decades to become a published author thanks to the internal horror. But writing has given me my voice. And, finally, THIS BITCH IS LOUD!

Ginger Nuts of Horror is honoured to welcome Tina Baker to the site, with what is possibly most heartfelt and powerful article we have ever had the honour to publish. Please be warned the article touches on some sensitive issues, such as domestic violence and rape. However, this is a must read article Tina lays her soul bare, in an harrowing account of some of the incidents that have driven her and shaped her as into the fabulous author she is today.

I’m a walking TRIGGER WARNING peeps. I blunder through real life mumbling ‘FFS’ and blurting out what’s inside my head and heart without editing. Unsurprisingly, this means my work contains swearing because I THINK in swearing. This has led to a few bad reviews. But it’s integral to who the characters are. Perhaps don’t buy my stuff if you don’t like swearing, and especially don’t by my book if you give it a 1-star review on Amazon because the PACKAGE WAS DAMAGED – then I will tell you to fuck right off. Twat.

Call Me Mummy, my debut novel – the tale of a woman so desperate for a child she steals one, and the woman she steals from being crucified by the press – is not Cosy Crime. It’s not only quite sweary (although loads was edited out after a debate about how much readers could take – apparently too much effing and blinding can ‘fatigue’ delicate souls who buy books), it’s also full of abuse, infertility, miscarriage, despair, fucked-up Catholicism, trolling, envy, terror, alcoholism, suicide and vicious bastards – all of which I have personally experienced. Although I failed at the suicide, obvs.

But this is fiction, folks! Like the outrageous gaslighting and outright lies spaffed by the Tories, it didn’t all happen exactly like that. For instance, I didn’t grow up on a farm, like ‘Mummy’. I grew up in sunny Coalville, in a dark era when men were men and women were grateful and we all worked down the pit. I didn’t realise it was possible to use a sentence without a swear until I went to school, but then I came home to play my favourite game, where my brother counted the ‘cunts’ and I counted the ‘fucks’ in any given conversation involving my dad, a window cleaner.

But swears aren’t horror. Silence is far more terrifying.

Here’s a slice of horror for you.

I said nothing as I lay rigid in the dark in our caravan pretending to be asleep as my mum and dad took chunks out of each other. He ripped the door off the caravan. She smashed his hand with her stiletto. When they got bored with that, they’d lay into us with ‘the belt’ – a leather dog collar with studs. I have specific memories of the buckle. I told no one. There was no one to tell.

I said nothing when:

I was abused as a kid in the swimming baths; flashed at by numerous other bastards; tied up by a ‘boyfriend’ and left hanging upside down attached to bannisters; attacked in a Greek market and turned on by a baying mob as I fought back, because I was in the wrong for wearing a short skirt; raped. (I thank I Will Destroy You for bringing the rape to my attention. I hadn’t fully realized previously that being fucked while unconscious constituted such.)

Silence is fucking dangerous.

These experiences have left me with depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, imposter syndrome, body dysmorphia PTSD… it’s easier to just use the phrase WELL FUCKED UP.

But do you know what, boys and girls? Writing the horror – taking it by its nasty little throat and bullying it back, twisting and shaping it to punish the bastards who hurt you in fictional form – is very therapeutic. I won’t say it’s cheaper than therapy, because if you add up all the woman-hours I spend writing/eating chocolate biscuits and hating myself for not writing, that’s time I could earn more beasting people in the fitness classes I run as a day job. Press-ups and burpees also help me deal with The Rage of so many years silence. I think all writers need a star-jump break once a day. Don’t worry if you’re old. I’m old too. Just do low-impact ones.

And do you know what else helps? Humour. Coal black, gallows humour; the bad taste jokes made in the newsrooms where I worked as a journalist. Sometimes it’s the only way to cope. Laughing at myself is proper joyful!

It’s taken me decades to become a published author thanks to the internal horror. But writing has given me my voice. And, finally, THIS BITCH IS LOUD!

Please buy my book baby.
Call Me Mummy, Viper Books
Bookshops, Tesco, Asda & Amazon

*** THE #1 KINDLE BESTSELLER ***
*** A NETGALLEY BOOK OF THE MONTH ***

'Dark, heartbreaking and totally absorbing' - LORRAINE KELLY
'Brilliantly written and emotionally compulsive' - HARRIET TYCE
'A powerful and thought-provoking page turner' - KATERINA DIAMOND
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CALL ME MUMMY. IT'LL BE BETTER IF YOU DO.

Glamorous, beautiful Mummy has everything a woman could want. Except for a daughter of her very own. So when she sees Kim - heavily pregnant, glued to her phone and ignoring her eldest child in a busy shop - she does what anyone would do. She takes her. But foul-mouthed little Tonya is not the daughter that Mummy was hoping for.

As Tonya fiercely resists Mummy's attempts to make her into the perfect child, Kim is demonised by the media as a 'scummy mummy', who deserves to have her other children taken too. Haunted by memories of her own childhood and refusing to play by the media's rules, Kim begins to spiral, turning on those who love her.

Though they are worlds apart, Mummy and Kim have more in common than they could possibly imagine. But it is five-year-old Tonya who is caught in the middle...
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'Disturbing and distinctive, this is a book I couldn't put down' - AMANDA JENNINGS
'Tense and gripping, these characters will stay with me' - ALICE CLARK-PLATTS
'Psychologically twisty and utterly gripping' - LISA HALL

TINA BAKER

Tina was brought up in a caravan after her mother, a fairground traveller, fell pregnant by a window cleaner. After leaving the bright lights of Coalville, she came to London and worked as a journalist and broadcaster for thirty years. She’s probably best known as a television critic for the BBC and GMTV, but after so many hours watching soaps gave her a widescreen bum, she got off it, lost weight and won Celebrity Fit Club. When not writing she now works as a fitness instructor. She also rescues cats, whether they want to be rescued or not. Call Me Mummy is Tina’s first novel, partly inspired by her own unsuccessful attempts to have a child. Despite the grief and disappointment of that, she hasn’t stolen one. So far.

@TinaBakerBooks on the socials

tinabaker.co.uk
for books and fitness

Please buy my book baby.
Call Me Mummy, Viper Books
Bookshops, Tesco, Asda & Amazon

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Call-Me-Mummy-absorbing-Lorraine/dp/1788165241/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1633603919&sr=8-1