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HORROR BOOK REVIEW: BEACH BODIES BY NICK KOLAKOWSKI

21/11/2022
HORROR BOOK REVIEW: BEACH BODIES BY NICK KOLAKOWSKI
The story had me guessing about what various horrors were next, the action sequences were gory and tense, and the payoff hit with the force of a laser-guided missile
Beach Bodies by Nick Kolakowski

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0B6XVBP6Y
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Independently published (18 July 2022)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 139 pages
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 979-8841267577

​A Horror Fiction review by Zachary Ashford
Nick Kolakowski takes the home invasion to farther shores with his latest novella Beach Bodies

Every now and then, an author comes along who’s doing something a little bit different to others in the genre. Nick Kolakowski is one of those authors. Delivering high-octane thrills liberal helpings of sci-fi, crime, and horror, his wheelhouse is a little to the left. I’m here for it.

I first became aware of Kolakowski’s work when Brian Asman (yes, that Brian Asman) recommended ABSOLUTE UNIT to me. I devoured it. That’s a bizarro take on body horror that reads like UPGRADE done pulp-horror/bizarro novella. It’s trippy, it’s funny, and it’s violent.

But that’s ABSOLUTE UNIT. This review is about BEACH BODIES. This latest offering is in the same kinda off-kilter vein, and it’s a blast. I tore through this in one sitting, not wanting to put the book down. To start with, Kolakowski is a hell of a writer. His prose just glides off the page, eschewing the unnecessary and providing everything you need to know one-two punches of info and entertainment that are visual and clear.

As for the story itself, it starts with a simple set-up. A billionaire has asked Julia to keep watch over his luscious doomsday bunker on an exotic beach. It’s pristine. She just has to keep it clean and make sure no one comes inside. Except for Alec. Alec, who has an ass full of shrapnel from a battle in Kyiv is also there. So when three people, one of them severely injured, come knocking, they have to make a choice. Break the rules, or let a possibly innocent man die.

As you can see, the set-up is classic. If you’re bracing for a home invasion tale, you’d be spot on, but it’s what Kolakowski does outside of the sub-genre’s modus operandi that sets this tale apart. I won’t spoil what happens exactly, but let me just say that I was hooked. The story had me guessing about what various horrors were next, the action sequences were gory and tense, and the payoff hit with the force of a laser-guided missile.

It's a great book, and it’s one that any novella-devouring member of the horror-reading public should jump on as soon as possible.


Author: Nick Kolakowski: His work has appeared in The Washington Post, McSweeney’s, Thuglit, Shotgun Honey, North American Review, and Carrier Pigeon, among other venues. He lives in New York City.
Publisher: Final Round Press
Publication Year: 2022

Beach Bodies 
by Nick Kolakowski

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This billionaire’s luxury doomsday bunker has everything: spectacular ocean views, a full-service kitchen, three bedrooms, a broadband connection, and concrete thick enough to keep any kind of horror out.

Today, the bunker’s caretakers are about to discover those concrete walls are good—too good—at keeping them trapped with the horrors inside. Twenty feet below the world’s most beautiful beach, they’ll face the ultimate evil—one that transcends death itself.

Zachary Ashford 

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Zachary Ashford is an Australian author, educator, and speaker. His dystopian horror novella When the Cicadas Stop Singing was nominated for the Aurealis Award. Keep an eye out for Polyphemus, his debut novel, from Darklit Press in Summer 2023, and an Ozploitation novella from Crystal Lake in the new year!

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