 Not many authors could pull off a novel as ridiculous as ‘Clowns Vs Spiders’ Jeff Strand is one of those authors I feel does not garner as much coverage or reviews as his crazy and often off-the-wall fiction deserves. He is also incredibly prolific, and although I have read a mere smattering of his books he rarely disappoints and I would happily recommend Blister, My Pretties and Cyclops Road (my favourite thus far) and others. Have I already said he was prolific? Although Clowns Vs Spiders is only a few months old, he already has another newer release, Allison. He is a hard author to keep up with. Although his fiction varies in content dramatically, one thing is guaranteed, it will invariably be a strange cross between oddball and quirky. The brilliantly named Clowns Vs Spiders is both. With bells on. Forget the bells, use red noses and big floppy shoes instead…. The million-dollar question is a big one: does Clowns Vs Spiders deliver what is promises on its label (or book jacket)? You bet it does. With arguably the stupidest plot in many a year, a group of circus clowns battle thousands of huge, 12-inch long, deadly spiders which invade a small town. It is neither complex nor deep. Think Killer Klowns from Outer Space, except that in this story the clowns are the good guys. It is the Jeff Strand brand of quirkiness which makes this very silly book totally readable, as the five main characters (the clowns) are only ever known as their stage names – their real personas are never revealed and we only ever see them as clowns and for the most part they never abandon these characters even when they are being attacked by the incredibly aggressive and fast moving arachnids. Stephen King has a bizarre part to play in this great novel as after seventeen years working in the circus Jaunty the Clown, Guffaw, Wagon, Reginald the Pleasant Clown and Bluebeard are fired as their boss informs them that nobody likes clowns anymore. What is the reason you may ask? Because of Pennywise from IT most people see now clowns as ‘scary’ and even though the five have spent years entertaining kids their career is cut painfully short. On several occasions characters say: “I f*****g hate clowns” and the team go on the hunt for new jobs whilst living on macaroni and cheese. As Halloween is approaching, they are hired to appear in a hugely successful haunted house attraction, the Mountain of Terror, where to their dismay they appear as ‘scary’ clowns, becoming zombies, demons scary doll clowns. They are distraught by this development, but need the cash, and to make things worse their new boss is a kid who knows nothing about ‘proper’ old time clowning and making children smile. Of course, during opening night, the spider invasion begins. Stephen King has a lot to answer for and there were some really funny scenes, including Jaunty the Clown rescuing a kid from the killer spiders, but whilst he is doing so, the kid is STILL more scared of the clown that the real spiders and is kicking and biting poor Jaunty whilst being rescued. Some kids have no gratitude. This very fine b-movie style horror is set mostly over one long evening as the clown’s battle for survival and along the way try to save as many people as possible and through a few mishaps even cause a few casualties of their own. Although Jaunty is the main man the action also jumps to other characters, entertaining kill scenes (including children), and features funny discussions about whether they are genuinely living in an apocalypse. The dialogue is also incredibly sharp, particularly when they are trapped in a car which stops and starts, as spiders keep getting clogged in its engine and they discuss who might sacrifice themselves first. A lot of the violence and gore is very stupid, and I also loved the detour into a public library where they encountered a gun-ho librarian who resents her book stock being used to squash the beasts. If you buy Spiders Vs Clowns and do not dig it, there is no point complaining to me. You have been warned: it is dumb, stupid, violent, and very funny. It is lean, mean and the absolute perfect length for something so unashamedly trashy. Spiders Vs Clowns delivers what is promises and there relatively few authors out there who could pull something like this off, Hunter Shea might be another. You will be squashing the horrible little bastards in your dreams, make that nightmares. Jaunty the Clown you are my hero. 4/5 Tony Jones  "In the tradition of the great Robert Bloch, Strand delivers wry humor and gut-wrenching horror and tension with equal effectiveness, seamlessly evoking fear and laughs, often within the very same sentence." -- Mystery Scene magazine Jaunty the Clown just wants to entertain families with lighthearted slapstick antics, but people think of clowns as terrifying, nightmarish creatures who hide in closets or under beds. When Jaunty, along with his fellow performers Guffaw, Wagon, Reginald The Pleasant Clown, and Bluehead are fired from the circus, they're told that the world just doesn't like clowns anymore. Still, clowns have to eat. And since these clowns don't eat children, to make ends meet they're eventually forced to take a job in a popular haunted attraction, the Mountain of Terror. Instead of charming entertainers, they're now scary clowns. A zombie clown. A demon clown. A creepy doll clown. But the town is about to discover something more frightening than clowns. Because on opening night, millions of oversized spiders emerge from a cave and begin their deadly invasion... From Bram Stoker Award-nominated author Jeff Strand comes an insane mix of shameless silliness and grisly creepy-crawly horror. Clowns Vs. Spiders. Who will win?   THE HEART AND SOUL OF HORROR REVIEW WEBSITES Comments are closed.
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