Congratulations! You've Accidentally Summoned A World-Ending Monster. What Now? by Duncan P. Bradshaw or as it will be known for the purpoises of this review (hey if The Bradshaw can wordplay in this book, then I'm gonna wordplay, what ya gonna do sue me?) CYASAWEMWN, sod it even that's too much from now on it's going to be referred to as What Now? It is the latest comedy horror novel from the, in my honest opinion, the greatest living exponent of horror-comedy in fiction; your opinion may differ, but this is my space and, I can do what I want here. From the man that brought you Mr Sucky, Cannibal Nuns from Outer Space, and Don't Smell the Flowers! They Only Want To Steal Your Bones, (Jesus is this a trend? Is he going to release each new book with an even longer title?) is not just another horror-comedy; oh no, that would be too simple for Duncan. What Now? is also a chose your own adventure, now kids, some of you might be too young to remember what those were. They were books spilt up randomly, with one true path through the book, and you had to find that path by making decisions after each chapter that took you to a different chapter. They were all the craze back in the good old days when computer games came on tapes and took hours to load; trust me, they were great, we had loads of fun with them. I have a habit of trying to ape Mr Badshaws' writing style when I review his books, but let us be honest here, I', a lot funnier in my head than I am in real life. (editor: as shown by this review so far). So with this in mind, I have decided to steal his whole concept and use a Chose Your Own Review style of review. If you just want to know if you should buy this book click here If you are of limited taste and don't like coffee creams click here If you like coffee cream chocolates, click here Or if you would rather read the full, finely crafted review, that may just change the way you look at the world, that might just cure baldness, and if reports are too believed make you irresistible to others thanks to its sheer awesomsauceness then continue reading.... (note: GNoH does not guarantee that any of these will happen, and is not responsible for any side effects you may encounter from reading this review) When a random game of Scrabble unleashes a hellbent demonic force who only wants to destroy our world, after a couple of failed attempts, it is up to Ian, an employee of The Margaret Thatcher Burger Bar, where you can get such culinary delights as Belgrano Bites, with Reagan Ranch or Gorbachev Ketchup and Monique a failed anti-capitalist suicide bomber, as well as a motley crew of the most unexpected heroes ever to grace the page of a book to save the world from the wrath of QZXPRYCATJ, I shall type that name only once, as much like The Candyman repeating the name will bring forth the demon to destroy the world. Now I am sure you are thinking, "OK, I know what this book is going to be like, but hold off because that doesn't even come close to the mind-bending, sidesplitting and nausea-inducing insanity held within the pages of this novel. The chapter that you are led to after the introduction to this book where we are introduced to the leading players of the story will probably give you a better insight into the overall feel of the book, but be warned, Bradshaw doesn't hold back; you know all those "urban myths" ( I put that in inverted commas, as one of the local burger joints was shit down for this very reason), of special sauces, and other uses for burger buns, well he puts all of these into the narrative in full, unfiltered descriptive passages. I don't think I'll ever look at brown sauce again. Some of you might be thinking that this is just schoolboy humour, and while it is, Bradshaw has such a strong comedic voice and such an incredible eye for surrealist satire that yes, you will cringe at what you read, but you will be captivated by the sheer bravado and hilarity that ensues. With horror-comedy novels, it is a hard line to walk to ensure that the reader isn't just faced with gag after gag; there needs to be an exciting story holding everything together, with characters that you might not care for, but you want to spend time with at the very least. Thankfully Bradshaw has ensured that this is the case, so much so that while you can "finish" this story very quickly, if you make the required decisions at the key points, you will, even if you finish it early, make use of the "Sliding Doors" options that Bradshaw includes at various points within the branch points of the story. Some of the branches might not make sense at the time of reading, such as the branch that enters a pub from hell, but don't worry these vignettes, or side stories, or whatever you want to call them, are hilarious and don't detract you from the unbridled sense of joy you will get from reading this bonkers story. My relationship with Bradshaw's writing has been an odd one, and one based solely on me not getting it. While I enjoyed the first book of his that I read, I had problems with it in my first encounter. In retrospect, the issues weren't with the book itself, but with me just not understanding what he was trying to do. My relationship with his books has had a quantum shift (does that mean huge or small), over the years, to the point when he announces a new project, I beg and bother him to the point of annoyance to get my hands on an early copy. In every review since Mr Sucky, I have probably said that his writing and gift for comedy gets better with each book, it's almost becoming a cliche, and Jimmy hates cliches, but this is probably my favourite book of his. Please don't hate me, Mr Sucky, and I adore the concept of a serial killer possessing a vacuum cleaner, as well as invisible attack dinosaurs, but there is a, I won't say maturing, as that doesn't suit Bradshaw, of his writing style, over the books he has published. Like a stand-up comedian, he has refined his novels' comic timing and punchlines to a point where they hit the bullseye dead centre every time, and his ability to create a narrative framework on which to hang the frivolity is stronger than ever. What Now is an outrageously sublime experience. It's inappropriate, preposterous, and bizarre, everything and more you could ever want in a novel like this. Note to the author; your next book better involve the Neo-Noir Insect society. I demand more spider detective!!!! Congratulations! You've Accidentally Summoned A World-Ending Monster. What Now? |
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