BOOK REVIEW: DOOKIE BY JESSE GORDON

BY ​MATT BRANDENBURG​

When doing book reviews I usually try to come up with some sort of witty, creative opening line to hook the reader. However, with this book, I couldn’t think of anything. I mean what can you say that isn’t better than the title: “Dookie.” What more do you need? When you pick this up, which I suggest you do, you’ll instantly know what you are going to get: a book full of shit. But, it’s such a fun and hilarious ride that you’ll forgive Jesse Gordon for giving you pages and pages of characters getting assaulted by turds.
    
Before we get knee deep in this review I want you to imagine the email or phone call Gordon had with Madman & Moniker, the publisher. “I have this idea for a book. A three-foot tall shit monster terrorizes an apartment complex. Oh and don’t worry, you will get a masterpiece of words on the consistency and taste of the poo.”
    
That’s at least what I pictured as I worked my way through “Dookie.”
    
It felt like Gordon sat down, watched a bunch of “Troma” movies and decided he could do that. I’m not complaining, I loved every shit-stained moment of reading this. It’s seriously one of the grossest things I’ve read. There needs to be an award for the detailed descriptions of poop being shoved down people’s throats, the massive piles of shit clogging toilets, and the characters removing chunks from hair and face.
    
Much like the b-movies of late night TV, the plot is a bit weak. But don’t hold that against it, “Dookie” is giant pile of fun.

​Two brothers move into a cheap apartment complex after getting kicked out of their parents’ house.  Noah, the older brother, is your typical hornball loser while the younger brother, Kayleb, is super shy. I went back and forth on whether I liked them or found them annoying. There are moments when they shine, but those moments are squeezed between large sections of them being obnoxious or borderline creepers. However, if we are comparing this to schlocky horror movies, then they are perfect main characters.

The book opens with the brothers attending Salsa Saturday, a mixer at the complex. Here we get introduced to the other players: a huge body-builder/painter, his girlfriend, a horny couple, a super sleazy landlord, and a cute geeky Asian girl. All of them have their time to shine as side characters. While the horny couple is a bit one note, the others feel real and react exactly the way you’d expect when facing down a shit monster.

After a vivid scene of explosive diarrhea and vomiting, the story kicks into shit monster territory. Which puts us into the basic horror movie formula of monster attacks someone, no one believes them, awkward meet-cute between Kayleb and the girl, rinse, repeat. Despite being a bit rote, the scenes are well crafted and entertaining. There are some great moments of suspense. You never really know when and where the monster is going to attack, until pipes begin to rattle, excrement geysers out of sinks and toilets, and two beady eyes wink at you from a massive mountain of shit.

Gordon also does a wonderful job of describing the attacks, putting you right in the bathroom as the little shit monster crawls out of an overflowing toilet, shooting off zingers like he’s the Leprechaun, then either pulling someone down the toilet or force-feeding them lots and lots of shit.

The catalyst that created the monster is something I didn’t see coming. I don’t want to give it away, but I was pleasantly surprised when it’s revealed. As I think about it, there are some clues sprinkled throughout the book, but much like a magician, Gordon focuses your attention on the gross-out moments so that you miss what’s been laid out.
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This book had to of been a blast to write. I know I enjoyed every blasted second of reading this disgusting book. It’s a midnight movie, laugh along with friends, mindless book. Something you can use to gross-out loved ones as you describe different scenes. And I’m sure there’s a line or two that’ll be perfect to tweet out when you are bored. Grab it, take it to the bathroom, and have a blast.

BOOK EXCERPT: THE WAR IN THE DARK BY NICK SETCHFIELD

​COMING SOON! BLACK WAKE