BOOK REVIEW: GARTH MARENGHI’S TERRORTOME BY GARTH MARENGHI

31/10/2022

This book was written for Joe Public, for the dropouts, it was written to heal Britain, just don't go looking for any subtext.

Garth Marenghi’s TerrorTome by Garth Marenghi

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Hodder Studio (3 Nov. 2022)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1529399408
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1529399400

A Horror Book Review by Jim Mcleod

Here we are, my fellow travellers of the Darkplace, poised on the brink of the release of the most significant literary event since the publication of the first Quantum Leap tie-in novel. We have been waiting for this event for longer than a techie's average lifespan on the Scotch Mist set, but hey, if someone has to die too soon, it may as well be a techie. That's right, my fellow acolytes of the Dreamweaver, there is a brand new novel from the Master of the Macabre, the Admiral of Abhorrence, The Dr of Dread, and The Prince of Panic, wow that's a lot of tautology. Still, it's not really as they are all subtly different; see what I did there; Garth Marenghi has unleashed the ultimate scare-filled tome of terror; TerrorTome is now ready to be read, but are we the mere mortals of this realm of terror, prepared to read such a book as Terrortome? (OK, I have got this out of my system now. Let's continue without me trying to channel the brilliance of the most excellent writer to have ever walked this realm of darkness, oh my god; I can't help it)

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace has always had a special place in the hearts of so many fans of the horror genre; it was a groundbreaking TV show that quickly became a thing of legend. Wrapped in its clever use of creating its mythology, it wormed its way into the hearts of anyone who loved horror. However, the cleverness of Darkplace was not just confined to the screen, with the mythology of the show and the character spreading out into the digital realm with a website listing all of the fictional books created by Garth Marenghi*.

This brings us here 18 years after the initial showing of the most incredible TV horror comedy show of all time to the publication of Terrortome, can TerrorTome even hope to live up to the hype?

Before you read this book, and you must read it because if you don't, you will miss out on reading a book by the bookiest horror writer of all time; you need to go into it with a wee thought in your head. Even though the book's hero is called Nick Steen, I have a sneaky suspicion that Nick is Garth, and this is, in fact, an autobiographical account of the wordsmith's life.

Right finally, let us get into the meat of this review. When Nick Steen "purchases" a cursed/ sentient demonic typewriter, his life changes beyond all recognition. Even though his output of horror grows exponentially, to the point where one volume of his new masterpiece is likely to destroy the world, just from the amount of deforestation required to print one copy, he quickly finds himself thrown into a hell of his own making when his ego gets in the way of doing the right thing, Nick finds himself literary dragged into hell of his own making, but not a Christian Hell, that's a whole other hell and not the hell that he finds himself in.

You see, the typewriter is the Lord of the Prolix, a monster of even greater Lovecraftian dread than Lovecraft could ever dream up, a master of monsters so vile that even Clive Barker's Cenobites would cower in fear from, but distinct enough that there would be no chance of any legal ramifications. The ultimate goal of the Prolix is the destruction of our realm, but when his plans are waylaid by the intervention of the eximious editor Roz, the denizens of Steen's dark and twisted mind are unleashed on the world and Nick and Roz must defend their hometown, of Stalkford from the evilest, the most dangerous and most vile of all creation of chaos.

Without a doubt, Terrortome is an absolute triumph; fans of the original show will revel in the opportunity to become entirely once again absorbed in the world of Marenghi, and those of you who are new to this indubitably unique creation will no doubt be rushing to catch up on the TV show.

There isn't a single page in Terrortome where you won't be reading it without a massive grin on your face; it is stupid. It is farcical, but it is one of the purest love letters to the horror genre you are likely to read. And that, my friends, is one of the greatest strengths of this book, yes you are finally reading a book from the greatest writer of all time, but what you are reading is the expression of the man behind Marenghi, love and respect for a genre that he holds dear to his heart.

You will love picking up all the influences that are lovingly poked fun of, from Hellraiser, Herbert and the pretender to the crown of horror's best writer, Stephen King. While the author rips right into every single one of these, you know that it comes from a place of respect; this isn't someone making fun of the genre we love, this is an author having a whale of a time, and those of you who read will have a whale of a time as well.

Hell, he even looks at the relationship between authors and editors. I loved this part of the book, especially how Steen's ego was always fighting with his love for Roz, and pay attention here as this is a critical part of the plot.

The novel is written as three dark, interconnected tales, and we all know that portmanteau movies are the best. However, you need to pay attention as Marenghi loves to use foreboding, but don't worry, he also loves to use footnotes, and he makes sure that you are paying attention to all of the important points of foreshadowing. And those footnotes are used to spectacular effect.

From the reimaging of Hellraiser in the first book of this threesometastic, trilogy of terror tales, Marenghi puts his vivid, colourful, rich and lucid imagination to full use. The descriptions alone of the creatures from his mind are nothing short of amazing, and that's not even considering the sections that were excised from the original manuscript. Thankfully these have been reinstated at the end of the book, with plenty of strong-worded content warnings, so you have been warned, and you cannot blame the author for any wetting your undergarments.

It takes a lot of talent to keep a joke running for the length of a whole novel, especially when you consider that most of the humour comes from the complete lack of self-awareness, self-editing and sensibility of the author in question. Marenghi's predilection to over-explain and over-emphasis the descriptive elements of the story, and his uncanny ability to focus on the mundane parts of the narrative, such as his long-winded description of how he replaces the batters in a torch, and the subsequent brilliant line about the tunnel which was dark, was now in effect no longer dark thanks to the torch in his hand. Should, in theory, drive every reader mad with frustration and reaching for some correction fluid to swill, but such is the gift for writing that Marenghi has; you are always left smiling when Marenghi goes full-on Marenghi.

But all of his would be pointless if there was a decent story at the heart of TerrorTome. And even if you strip away all the gags, double-entendres, shaggy dog stories, and facetious footnotes, you are still left with a story that holds up as both a horror novel and a love story between an author and his editor and a love story between an author and himself. Even the final sentence is perfect; if only every horror novel finished this way, the world would be far better.

Terrortome is the purest form of Marenghi; it hooks you in from the very first sentence, swaddles you in a full-grain black leather jacket, and cradles you in its undiluted brilliance. We have had to wait for almost twenty years for this moment, and it was worth every single second. Let's hope and pray that we don't have to wait as long for the next novel.

Oh!!! I almost forgot there is also a freaking map!!!!

*

Do you think I was going to write this review without a footnote??

I used to be part of a horror forum, and there was this one American member, who had read everything, no matter how obscure or rare. So a bunch of us decided to talk about Garth's books, and low and behold he had read them all, even though they never existed.

Garth Marenghi’s TerrorTome by Garth Marenghi

Dare you crack open the TerrorTome? (Mind the spine)

When horror writer Nick Steen gets sucked into a cursed typewriter by the terrifying Type-Face, Dark Lord of the Prolix, the hellish visions inside his head are unleashed for real. Forced to fight his escaping imagination - now leaking out of his own brain - Nick must defend the town of Stalkford from his own fictional horrors, including avascular-necrosis-obsessed serial killer Nelson Strain and Nick's dreaded throppleganger, the Dark Third.

Can he and Roz, his frequently incorrect female editor, hunt down these incarnate denizens of Nick's rampaging imaginata before they destroy Stalkford, outer Stalkford and possibly slightly further?

From the twisted genius of horror master Garth Marenghi - Frighternerman, Darkscribe, Doomsage (plus Man-Shee) - come three dark tales from his long-lost multi-volume epic: TerrorTome.

Can a brain leak?
(Yes, it can)

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'Reads like Garth's classic oeuvre of paperback horrors crossed with the X-Files, Faustian myth and bits of Manimal. Plus the cover is embossed with genuine foil at his insistence and at your expense'
Ken Hodder, Head of Hodder

'These three tales of terror by Garth Marenghi are... quality'
Queen Fang, NosFor(at)um.com

'A strong beginning, deepening intrigue and a knockout ending'
How to Write Magazine