You wake up and find yourself in a horror franchise, what franchise would you prefer to wake up in and why?

Oooo, that’s a tossup between Poltergeist and Nightmare on Elm Street. I think I’ll have to go with Poltergeist. I grew up in a haunted house, not as crazy as the movie, but there were similar elements: TVs and lights going on and off, strange footsteps, knockings, a sense of something ‘other’ living with you in the house. So given that I’ve gone through it before and survived, somewhat intact (jury is still out on that one), I’ll go with Poltergeist.



You find yourself as the “Final One”  which monster / villain would you most like to go up against ands why do you think you would survive?


I’m going to go with the Preacher in Poltergeist, aka Reverend Kane This entity with a wide brimmed hat is loosely based on an actual phenomena that people experience called the Hat Man. (Freddy Krueger is also inspired by this apparition).  People usually see this oppressive spirit/entity while they’re falling asleep.  Little extra fact about me, I’m also a psychic medium and yes, I see dead people. I had a client whose daughter was plagued by this malevolent ‘Hat Man’ and together, we were able to banish it, preventing it from further tormenting her.  A bit of white light and some extra magic ingredients and poof! he was sent packing.



And which creature would you least like to go up against?


I’m going to go with a Skinwalker. These beings terrify me. They are akin to the movie version of the Predator. They are shapeshifters from another dimension, they’re smarter than we are, more technologically advanced than us and there’s no way I’d stand a chance against one of those.  By the time you see one, it’s too late, your toast.


You find yourself in Scooby Doo, which character are you, and who would most like to have as the other members of Mystery Inc?


I think I’m more like a modern version of Daphne, post damsel-in-distress. I, like her, use my intuition, am a black belt and a former journalist. We can see things for what they truly are and have a healthy balance of openness and skepticism.


And I am already part of a Scooby Mystery Gang of sorts. A group of five psychic mediums, including myself, work as psychic detectives, helping to find missing people or uncover the mystery around a strange murder or disappearance. I would take my gang of five with me anywhere. In fact, we have traveled internationally together to work on cases. We just need to get a cool van, then we’ll be all set!



Pinhead pops round for an evening of fun, what are you pains and pleasures?
​
Oh, so good! I love and am haunted by all things Clive Barker. Let’s see, for pain, anything involving poking the eyes, i.e., pins, toothpicks, thumbtacks, anything sharp and pointy, going into the eye would send me straight to crazytown.  Pleasures, hmm, anything being removed from the eye after being inserted into it.

The Wishmaster gives you three wishes

1.  You can wish to write in any franchise
2. You can wipe on franchise from the minds of everyone
3. You can date your horror crush

What do you chose?

1. Well, it’s not technically horror, but there are definitely horror elements: I have always wanted to write Batman, in any shape or form, and preferably with the Joker who is arguably one of the scariest creations in modern time.


2.  This question feels like I’m being asked to jump into a shark tank with a bleeding leg. How can I possibly wipe out a franchise that might be beloved by so many? Let’s just say for me, personally, the whole Paranormal Activity franchise was a miss. I don’t like mockumentaries especially when the real thing exists and is way more terrifying. The scares felt cheap and predictable. Sorry if that’s someone’s favorite but it was a ‘meh’ for me.


3. That’s easy, Johnny Depp before he gets swallowed up by the bed in Nightmare on Elm Street.


Thank you, that was fun! Here’s a bit more about me and my upcoming book:



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​“The tales in Francesca Maria’s They Hide are brief but intense, revealing the monsters hidden at the corners of everyday life. The author’s lifelong love of horror shines through here. Make sure to check the warnings and read in the daylight lest you become too unnerved.”
—Christi Nogle, Bram Stoker Award®-nominee and author of Beulah

"... a solid collection, with stories ranging the full spectrum of horror, from grim and grisly, to suspenseful, to dark humor, and one true heartbreaker. All your classic monster tropes are represented here, and all done really well. ...Whatever your taste in horror, I'm sure you'll find something in They Hide that you'll enjoy."
—Ben Monroe, Author of The Seething

"...a humanistic approach to the horror that makes it somehow all the more terrifying...That may be the key to her storytelling. The people and things that populate these tales are relatable, whether they be monsters or human or somewhere in between...If you like short stories that bring new perspectives to things you thought you already knew, you’ll want to check this collection out."
—Jay Bechtol, Author of The Great American Coward

"Francesca compiled a fantastic collection full of stories that cover so many different eras and things that go bump in the night, and it kept me on my toes from start to finish."
—Sinister Scoop


Who are we if not for the monsters that we keep?

They Hide: Short Stories to Tell in the Dark collects thirteen chilling tales that weave through the shadows, exploring the nature of fear, powerlessness, and control.

- A series of murders in a New England colony
- An untamed beast in pre-revolutionary France
- A mysterious stranger who invades 18th-century Ireland
- A traveling circus that takes more than the price of admission
- A gathering of the Dark, telling tales on the longest night of the year, and more.

Come play with vampires, werewolves, ghosts, zombies, ghouls and the devil himself. Make sure you check under the bed and don’t turn out the lights.

Bio:
Francesca Maria writes dark fiction surrounded by cats near the Pacific Ocean. She has been penning horror stories since she was able to pick up a pen and write at the age of six. This fascination with horror was spurred by her insatiable quest to uncover what was haunting her childhood home, a quest that continues to this day.
You can find her award winning work in Crystal Lake's Flash Fiction Series, the Death's Garden Revisited anthology, Black Cat Chronicles and her upcoming debut release of her short story collection: THEY HIDE: SHORT STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK. 

OH NO T.L. BODINE IS STUCK IN A HORROR

You wake up and find yourself in a horror franchise, what franchise would you prefer to wake up in and why?

I think I would do quite well in The Purge world. Hear me out. One night a year, all crime is legal, right? No one specifies that it has to be a certain type of crime. I would simply spend the year learning some elite hacking skills. Then, a little before purge night, I'd pack it up and head out to some property my family has in rural northern New Mexico. There's really no reason for anyone to come all the way out there to bother me. All I'd need is a generator, a laptop, and a mobile hot spot and I'd spend purge night using my newly acquired hacking skills to go wipe out student loan debt, empty corporate bank accounts, blackmail billionaires...I don't know, some kind of mischief. It's all legal for the night, and everyone else will be too busy killing each other to notice, right?



You find yourself as the “Final One”  which monster / villain would you most like to go up against and why do you think you would survive?


I don't really have a Final Girl constitution. I think I embody much more of the “wise-cracking friend who gets murdered late in the film” role, or else the “walk-on role with esoteric yet helpful information” role. That said, I feel like I can take on Chucky. He's crafty, he's persistent, but...come on. Look at him. I'm pretty sure I can punt him before he does too much damage.


And which creature would you least like to go up against?


The Thing. Look. I'm predisposed toward paranoia already. And I've played enough Werewolf to know that everyone always finds me suspicious no matter what I do in these types of situations. I'd be in trouble before the alien even got close to me.


You find yourself in Scooby Doo, which character are you, and who would you most like to have as the other members of Mystery Inc?


I am definitely the Velma of the crew. If I brought along my dachshund, my husband, my best friend, and her spouse, we would basically perfectly replicate the Scooby Gang, except with creakier knees. We're a little old to be meddling kids, but I would enjoy living in a world where evil rich scammers could be unmasked and face some kind of consequences.



Pinhead pops round for an evening of fun, what are you pains and pleasures?
Whatever they are currently, I'm quite sure I'll discover plenty of new ones before the night is over.


The Wishmaster gives you three wishes

1.  You can wish to write in any franchise
2. You can wipe on franchise from the minds of everyone
3. You can date your horror crush

What do you chose?

1 – I would love to do something new with Gremlins. That was a really formative horror franchise for me as a child, especially Gremlins 2, which I watched a lot and probably imprinted on like a little baby bird. It's such a deep thematic well to draw from! Responsible pet ownership, cultural appropriation, capitalist decay...


2 – It's not really my place to go obliterating anything from the canon or robbing folks of their pleasant experiences with media that even I find unpleasant. But I wouldn't be opposed to sneakily wiping out The Conjuring franchise. I adore James Wan but I think the Warrens are...not the kind of people who deserve to be celebrated.


3 – I mean, you did say a certain Hellpriest would be visiting...if you'll excuse me, I think there are some sights for me to be shown.​

Tell us:


Who are you?

Brianna Malotke – mainly a horror poetry and fiction writer.

Your signature style:

I’m not sure that I have a signature style just yet. But for horror writing, I do lean towards writing pieces with female killers and more body horror pieces.

Toot your own horn:

I recently turned in my completed manuscript! My debut horror poetry collection, inspired by deadly fashions, will be released this summer (2023) with Green Avenue Books!

Books read:

This past month I’ve read Dracula’s Child, Meant to Be (not horror), and Holiday Leftovers.

Movies watched:

I think this past month I’ve only watched Dracula (the 90s version). I’ve been playing catch-up on tv shows and have barely made a dent.

Games and/or music played:

A lot of MCR and Fall Out Boy has been played this past month. Outside of those, just a big mix of Florence + the Machine, Blue October, AFI, Lana Del Rey, and Orville Peck. It may seem really random, but I made a playlist for an airplane trip that felt pretty eclectic and now it’s my go-to playlist.

Words written:

I finished an 8k short story, so about 2k works on that and maybe another 1k worth of poetry. A lot more editing than original writing was done this past month.
Future stuff:

I’ll be on a few different horror podcasts this coming March & April including the Panic Room Radio Show & Bubble Bath with Baph. I also have some poetry coming out in The Nottingham Horror Collective and HorrorScope (a zodiac inspired anthology).
​
Brain worms:
Not 100% sure what to write here, but I’ll just say I’m starting to believe that orange cats do indeed only share one brain cell.