Interview: Gregory Hall, The Funky Werepig

Hello folks, today GNOH is proud to present an interview with Gregory Hall. Greg describes himself as a    a silly silly man who writes horror and comedy and shopping lists. If you like any of those things, or are single and Amish, come visit!

A former stand-up, improv and theatre dude who produced such projects as CHARM CITY DREAMS, THE EARLY MONDAY MORNING SHOW and the annual BALTIMORE COMEDY FEST. A national Telly Award winner and was once hugged by Pat Morita.

He is probably better known to some now as the host/producer of the internet radio show THE FUNKY WEREPIG. Grab your moon pies and enter the No Pants Zone every Friday night at 9pm EST only at www.tmvcafe.com

Hello folks, today GNOH is proud to present an interview with Gregory Hall. Greg describes himself as a    a silly silly man who writes horror and comedy and shopping lists. If you like any of those things, or are single and Amish, come visit!

A former stand-up, improv and theatre dude who produced such projects as CHARM CITY DREAMS, THE EARLY MONDAY MORNING SHOW and the annual BALTIMORE COMEDY FEST. A national Telly Award winner and was once hugged by Pat Morita.

He is probably better known to some now as the host/producer of the internet radio show THE FUNKY WEREPIG. Grab your moon pies and enter the No Pants Zone every Friday night at 9pm EST only at www.tmvcafe.com

Hi Greg, how are things with you?

I’m awake. So that’s pretty good.

Can you please give the readers a little bit of background information on yourself?


I was born early on. My first few years are somewhat blurry to me. I have a huge black out during the 80’s too. But I do know I did a lot of comedy and theatre. Stand up. Improv. Most recently I’ve written some books with more of a horror slant. And I have fathered children in 42 of the 50 United States.

Stand up, and improv?  So you think you’re funny make me laugh!

A mute walks into a pub. The bartender says ‘What will you have?’ The mute says Nothing. Because he’s mute, goddammit!

Thanks, folks! Good night! Try the veal, it’ll be here all week!

What made you decide to do stand up?

I was a mouthy kid and sometimes funny things would come out. One of my bosses did stand up and talked me into giving it a try. I was 16, I didn’t know any better. It just so happened my first night on stage I freakin’ killed. Got my first laugh and it was like a drug.

Then I spent the next decade trying to get my second laugh.


Who are some of your favourite stand up comedians?

I grew up on Bill Cosby. Then when I was an early teen, my Mom declared I was old enough to handle George Carlin. It’s funny. Most people will say the first album they bought was whatever music dude or band they loved at the time. My first album was FM &AM by Carlin.

For younger readers, an album was a huge plastic disc that would play back sounds when you put a record player’s ‘needle’ on it. We enjoyed these sounds while making our cave paintings.

Stand up and improv can be rather unforgiving, what with potential critics being in spitting distance do you think your time in the circuit taught you how to deal with critics properly?

Oh yeah, especially with stand up. Most times an audience has a few under their belts and just spent hard earned cash on an inflated ticket price. They’ve had a rough week so you better make them laugh, dammit. But that’s nothing compared to club owners, other comics, booking agents—oh man, it’s Thunderdome.

The good news is only the people right then and there hear the trash talking. I found ‘entertainment’ critics from the papers weld much more power because readers can still experience you getting pummelled even weeks later. It’s there in print.


I once wrote a play- an original comedy- and in it an actress took off her top. I sat behind the main critic for the city newspaper. She laughed her ass off the whole time. After the show she told me my play was the most hysterical cutting edge work she had seen in forever.


When the review came out it said as a male director/writer, I was a pervert for making an actress go topless. And that was all she wrote. I ran into the critic weeks later and confronted her. I reminded her how much she loved the play that night. She shrugged and said she had an agenda to meet and as a feminist she had to be true to her politics. So that was a good lesson.

Do you think that comedy is a good training ground for horror writers, as both rely on the writer and performer eliciting a response, through the shock of the unexpected and the expected?

Definitely. I’ve always said the similarities are so strong because both force an involuntary response if you do them right. I owe a lot to my Aunt Minta. She’s one of the funniest people I know. And she loves to jump out and scare the hell out of you. You scream and then you laugh. That’s the way I was brought up. They went hand in hand.

You won a national telly award, what was that for?

My old comedy partner and I got the chance to work with Isiah Thomas, who is a Hall of Fame basketball player. He was with the Detroit Pistons when we lived in Michigan. He wanted to do a Christmas special for NBC, so we wrote and produced Never Lose Your Hope. It was sappy and cute and had a great message. You write that kind of stuff when every morning starts with putting peyote in your corn flakes. I’ve lost my copies and haven’t seen it since maybe the early 90’s. But I’m told it still pops up every year in syndication.

Do you still have the award on your mantelpiece?

Ugh. No. Here’s another example of being stupid when you’re younger. The production company that funded the whole thing took the big trophy, as well they should. I got a pay check and a pat on the ass. A year later they folded and poof, that office was cleared out like a hillbilly yard sale offering two-fer-one coupons. I didn’t get a chance to steal nothing.

Lesson: There is no ‘trophy’ in ‘team’. You hold something like that, don’t pass it to the next dude to share the celebration. You kick people in the balls and run for the door.  

I see you also hugged Pat Morita, do you still wax on about this?

Full Brazilian, baby. That’s Mr Mijagi we’re talking about. I was in a movie he did, he backed into me on set, turned around and said ‘OH! You a big one!’ Then he hugged me. You can’t erase that kind of in-your-face bragging. I make no apologies.

Why horror, what is it about the genre that holds your appeal?

I guess the most honest answer is I’m a huge fan. I grew up on the Universal monsters and then added in everything Godzilla. I love ghost stuff and Catholics breaking bad ass on possessed grade school girls. I love that energy jolt that launches me from my seat. Nothing like the threat of death to make a person feel so alive.

And what is it about the genre that you dislike?

I don’t like the latest evolutions. The torture porn stuff. Let’s watch a sick bastard hold a butane torch to a girl’s face for 10 minutes of screen time. That’s not horror. That’s some loser who’s trying anything to work up an erection.

I’m also not a big fan of everyone rushing to do the same book. Something like zombies get the green light and holy hell with a matching handbag, 17,536 uncreative people crank out their contribution to the shit pile. Now I will say out of that flood comes maybe a dozen zombie novels that will curl your soul forever. But if writers would just take an extra day or two to evaluate if they’re bringing anything new to the party, it could help the world be a better place and bring rainbows to small children.


What would be your three desert island books and films?


‘The Road’ by Cormac McCarthy. ‘Host of Shadows’ by Harry Shannon. And a whole mess of books tied at #3. It’s too cruel to make me pick my favourite McCammon, Lansdale, F Paul Wilson, Rio Youers, Chet Williamson…and I would have included colouring books but you said nothing about bringing crayons.


ilms? Big Lebowski. The Commitments. And maybe a ‘How To’ video about plugging in a TV on a desert island.


Let’s talk about The Funky Werepig, for the uneducated out there, what is it?

It’s a disease. Incurable. It happens every Friday night, has for years now, and glues people to their internet radios for a full 60 minutes while an assclown babbles on with a poor guest who really just wants to promote their book or CD or movie. A lot of twitching is involved.

I would say you can find it live on the TMV Café (www.tmvcafe.com) and on iTunes in podcast, but I’m only passing this on to the very very brave. 

Have you ever had it confused with Funky Pigeon.com?

I have not. I wonder if that’s a distant cousin or something. I will check it out!

What are moon pies, they sound intriguing?

Oh, they are a delicious main staple of the Werepig audience. They’re two cookies with marshmallow stuffed in between and then smothered in chocolate, vanilla or banana. We like to woo the moon pie. And when I’m at conventions, I pelt the crowd with them. Good times. 

And Ovaltine, that doesn’t sound very rock n roll does it?

Nah, maybe not so much. But while it’s in the chocolate milk category, it is fortified with so many wonderful vitamins and minerals that make a body healthy. So drink up, kids!

No pants, I like the sound of that, does that rule also apply to the lady folk?

By contractual agreement, my show is broadcasted from the No Pants Zone. I think the fact that I try to interview only female guests is irrelevant.

You’ve had a huge number of guests over the years, who are your top three?


You mean in terms of fame or my favourites? That’s far too difficult to answer so let me just say one I know I can stand behind without debate or politics. PJ Soles, who starred in the original ‘Halloween’, ‘Stripes’ with Bill Murray, ‘Rock-n-Roll High School’ with the Ramones and so many other kick bahookie films.

Not only was it a dream-come-true to have her on the show, but because of that magical night, we’re probably going to wind up getting married. I’m pretty confident on that fact. Especially if she ever answers any of my e-mails or phone calls again.

And are there any guests that you wouldn’t rush to have back?

Unfortunately you do run into a few after doing hundreds of interviews. The quickest way to get banned is to not show up. It’s happened rarely but it’s one of the most unprofessional things that anyone in the biz of selling goods can do. I had one—can I say ‘asshole’ here…No?...okay, one dickweed that rescheduled three times. Then we’re going live and he never shows. I tap dance and pull in a buddy last second to fill in. This pecker puller has the nerve to call my house 40 minutes into the hour to yell at my wife and say ‘I was busy but I’m here now. Tell your husband to put me on NOW!’
After the show, we dressed him up as Richard the Third and buried him under a car park.

Who or what would you say has been the biggest influence on you and your writing?

I think it all begins with being a reader first. I wanted to be Stan Lee and J.R.R. Tolkien. Create those characters and worlds. I was lucky to have teachers who really pushed creativity when I was young. They’d give you a blank piece of paper and cut you loose for 45 minutes. Then I think the instant gratification of comedy sealed it. You write a routine or a skit, perform it that weekend and people laugh. That will cause an ego to rush back to the desk and pound out more material.

Can you remember what first motivated you to start writing, and has your motivation changed over the years?

I think it was a chance to escape. As a kid I was always inside my head. I had a lot of hearing problems so I was very quiet and shy. But I had plenty of friends and adventures in my imagination so stories poured out. Writing them down made them seem more real, if that makes sense.

My motivation has definitely changed as I became an adult. First off, my hearing was corrected and people haven’t been able to shut me up since. As I grew older I found writing can put money in your pocket. Writing can allow you to meet the coolest people. And writing can get you laid. Twice as a matter of fact. I highly recommend it.

And how would you describe your writing style?

‘Mock intelligence betrayed by tons of spelling errors’ is probably my best description yet.

And what aspects of your writing do you think are the strongest and what do you think are the weakest aspects of your writing?

I drop comedy into a story fairly well. I’m okay with dialogue. I can convey a very realistic sex scene if I can write it while looking in someone’s window. But I can always improve with all the other aspects. Nouns and verbs kill me.

Do you have any rituals that you go through when you write?

Other than stopping every 10 minutes to see if Ginger Nuts of Horror has posted anything new? Nah, nothing magical. I think it was Oliver Stone who said the equation for writing is Ass + Seat. I believe it’s pretty much that simple.

How do you edit, do you edit as you write, or do you edit after each draft is finished?

I can’t edit too much when I write because I’m too close to it. I just bang out what’s in my head until it’s empty. A day later I come back with fresh eyes and see how much of it works or how polished I was.

How long did it take you to sell your first story?

That’s a tough one because I was selling comedy routines and skits to theatres and colleges when I was still in high school. I was writing full stage plays professionally in my 20’s. And then I was pulling coin writing industrial films for corporations for a long time. So I never really marked my first short story sale like ‘Holy Crap! I did it!’ I know I wrote a huge batch of stories before I submitted anything. So when I did throw them out there, it was like a scatter shot. I guess the first couple sold fairly quick, because I had so many out there.

Can you remember how you felt when you first opened the acceptance letter?

For a short story—geez this is pretty shitty but no, I don’t remember anything landmark. And it was only $25 or so. Paid for a McDonalds run. Now when I held my first novel in my hands…that was a beautiful moment. Not everyone can say they had a novel professionally published. I giggled like a school girl front row at a One Direction concert.

Have the feelings changed over the years?

No, I still love One Direction.

You have had your short stories published in some of the genres finest magazines.  How important in terms of a writer’s development is it to get their work published by an established and respected outlet?

I think it’s crucial. It shows you can play with the big boys. I mean we’ve all done the e-zine thing when we first started or maybe people have chosen the self-published route. But to be taken seriously, you have to be vetted. You need to be rejected by the best in the biz so you learn what it takes to be accepted by them.


In this age of instant publishing via Ebooks, do you think these publications are still relevant?

I guess it depends on what you want out of your writing career. The way the internet is now, you can invent clout. I know one dude who invented his own ‘legit’ publishing company—which strangely only published his work. He created fake websites, used the mailing address of a copy store in a mall. Even talked about business lunches with his imaginary owner. I know another woman who did the same thing and promoted herself as her fake publisher’s best-selling author. Then she gave awards to herself thru the publisher. Her bio now reads ‘award winning best-selling author’ and a lot of people say ‘Wow. She must be good!’

On the other hand I’ve seen some well-known publishers put out some very sub-par books. Does that deserve respect? Who knows? I just try to put out the best work I can whether it winds up a small press e-book or a limited hard cover run from the best publisher in the biz.

Dracula’s Winkie?  Dare I ask?

Yes. You do. That’s my tribute to the paranormal romance genre that is sweeping the industry. Sexy vampires who are flawless who sex it up with women who wish they received more sexy sex even if they themselves may be lacking in sexiness. Dracula’s Winkee started out as a web-serial and is now evolving into a book and- fingers crossed- an animated series. It’s about the King of the Vampires, history’s most dangerous lover, as he gets older. And his equipment doesn’t work as well as it once did. It may be a blood flow problem. Oh the angst I capture.

At The End of Church Street sees you return to the vampire genre.  Are you a fan of the vamp?

I dig vampires. I actually love werewolves more but I haven’t figured out a story that would be original enough to write for those wacky lycanthropes. I wouldn’t have written Church Street if I wasn’t double dog dared to try my hand at horror by some old buddies. I had the comedy thing going and they pressured me to go outside my comfort zone. But I said I would only try horror if I could find an angle that hadn’t already been beaten to death. I found one with Church Street that happened to fall into the vampire genre. I wasn’t answering some passionate calling, but I had fun when I wrote it.

The vampire has gone through more changes and moods than my Mrs at a cocktail party, why do you think they are so mercurial?

It’s easy to add or subtract what you want to make them fit your purposes. And they’re a proven entity, the ultimate bad boy who is cursed to live forever. So you can make them teenagers who don’t have fangs but sparkle in sunlight—as long as you call them ‘vampires’, people will rush out and buy those books, baby.

Do you have a favourite type?

Of vampire? I’m pretty old school. They want to eat us. We’re food. They don’t want to take us to the prom or model underwear.


 Do the vampires in At The End of Church Street, have a unique selling point? 


I’d like to think so. I wanted to write a vampire book without vampires. In my book they’re homeless Goth kids. And the monsters are not who you expect. In a weird way it’s my tribute to Peter Pan. This is the only novel you have written, is there a reason for this? I have two more on deck but the honest answer is other projects pay me more money. So I dedicate more time and priority to those. I’m not at a level where my novels would rake in so many sales that my mortgage for 2013 is covered. So I write horror or dark fiction, or whatever genre-tag this week, purely for fun. And it still is, which is very nice. 

Werepig Fever, collects some of your short fiction.  How did you go about selecting the stories for it? 

Oh, I had such a great time putting together Werepig Fever. I always wanted to have a short story collection out there. I’ve been told it’s like a rocker having a greatest hits album. It gave me a chance to put out some of my earlier work (that even I forgot about) and include a couple stories I loved that got a raw deal from unprofessional publishers. Allan Gilbreath and Dark Oak Press was the best publisher I could ask for. They let me pick what I wanted and then asked ‘You want to put in more?’ They let me be very eclectic, which is actually how I am. So there’s horror and comedy and action. There’s even a love story I co-wrote with my eight year old son. That’s pretty groovy. Werepig Fever may be my favourite published work. 

Can you tell us about any future projects?

Yes, Jim. I can.

If you enjoyed this interview and fancy reading some of Greg's work, then please Consider purchasing his book via the link below 

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